I'm so excited! Okay everybody, so I know you've missed me! Leslie and I have started our very on Deviantart, and if you liked this one, that one is gonna fucking kick this ones ass. Haha, there's really beautiful pictures of Les that I want everyone to see and I'd love some watches and comments from my friends, I miss you all so much! so the new deviantart account is and I can't wait to see you all there :]

Love Ellie

Im happy.
:]






very happy.

Haha. Well the last jousnal was called Nikky so I called this one No Nikky.

She wanted me to go to a fair with her towns away and my mom was going to let me go. I was excited. However, my curfew is at eleven...she wanted to smoke pot on the way there and she wanted to stay out til two. When I said I wasn't able to do that she got really pissed and started ignoring me and shit so I'm not gonna go for that again.

That's what made me get out of my last relationship, feeling hated, so why would I jump into another relationship like that with someone I don't know? It's not my fault I can't stay out til two in the morning. And I don't smoke pot or wanna date someone who does! Whatever, not worth it. I'll just keep looking :]

Please don't leave any "I'm sorry" comments. Don't be! Its fine you guys. I'm happy and I'll keep looking for the right person. Nikky wasn't my type anyway. Instead just leave encouragement cause I love you guys and you're my greatest motivation!

So I'm talking to this girl named Nikky. She's a little girly, or she appears that way and it's really weird for me. I'm a tomboy sort of girl. But this chick is tough as nails. She is a very amazing girl. She's a bluntly honest, yet sweet, little firecracker.

Whats funny is that after Kayla and I broke up she told me I needed someone way stronger than she ever was, someone strong enough to be there for me like she never could be. The first time Nikky and I talked she was telling me about herself and she was like, "I am really strong. I can take so much, even when I don't think I can. I can handle anything." And I just smiled.

For me, when one door closes another really does open, especially with realationships. Usually when one ends, I begin to get signs leading me to someone else pretty quickly and it's impossible to ignor how blatant they are.

I figured I'd be honest with her about some things, like my past trouble eating and my occasional relapses. Kayla used to hate that...blew it way out of proportion and was completely unsupportive and there was a huge lack of comfort. I told Nikky and she was like, yeah...I completely get where you're coming from. i understand. and that was it! No...I can't be with someone like that or that's too much for me to deal with. She treated me like a normal human being and not a screw up. I love that.

I guess it's still too soon to tell but we'll see!

Kay and I are over...for good. I know its sad but I dont wanna talk about it. I'm ready to move on.

I want to meet a girl who will sweep me off my feet. A girl who will love me in my good and bad times, who will stick it out through it all with me, never break a promise, never lie to me or abandon me. A girl that I can turn to anytime things are hard, who will hold me and say it's going to be alright. I want a strong girl who's not a wimp. Someone who's not afraid to cuss that guy who tried to grab my ass or that girl who talks shit about me. I want a girl who says sweet things and likes to spend time with me :] I dont want her to yell at me all the time and make me feel hated. I want her to raise my self esteem by showing me I'm worth being loved.